Disclaimer: General, standard disclaimer.
Author's Notes: For Delilah, who asked for it.
The Altoids Adventure
Samantha Cage was seething with rage. She'd decided that Blair was going to take her to a concert when she heard that her favorite band was coming to town. The night of the event, she'd called Blair to inform him of their date, when to pick her up, and what to wear, and he... wasn't home. He was off camping with Jim for the weekend, instead of waiting by the phone in case she might call, like he should be.
She moved silently through the darkened Major Crimes bullpen, to Ellison's desk. Reaching for the small glass jar the detective kept hard candy in, she picked up the jar in gloved hands, dumped out the gourmet mild fruit drops and replaced them. She smiled. That would teach the meddling male. Blair was lavishing too much attention on his precious sentinel. Instead of paying attention to her.
After catching an international art fraud ring, Ellison and Sandburg returned to the bullpen to do their paperwork. Blair, deep in a report, looked up as his partner suddenly let out a bellow and fell backward out of his chair like he'd been gut-shot.
"Jim?" Blair asked anxiously, and got to his feet for a better view.
Jim said "YrrgllllFtzrrrbbllll," again, and the six-foot-two Ex Ranger, tears streaming down his cheeks, tried to crawl under his desk.
Jim's candy jar had been knocked over on his desk, small irregular round translucent candies scattered across the paperwork. As Megan hurried to join them, Blair leapt to an understandable conclusion. "Jim's been poisoned, call an ambulance," and he hurried to his stricken partner's side.
Nobody else in the Major Crimes bullpen paid them any attention. Some of them believed that Jim was a sentinel. Some of them believed the press conference. All of them knew Ellison was nuts and that part of Sandburg's job was to fix it.
Megan stopped for a second, frowning in dawning suspicion at the candies scattered on the desk, and a small candy gleaming damply on the floor by her foot.
Blair looked up at her helplessly, tears shining in his blue-blue eyes. "Megan, Jim's dying." He cradled Ellison, who writhed, clawing at his mouth.
"Don't think so, Sandy." To Blair's astonishment, Megan picked up a piece of candy, popped it into her mouth... and made exactly the same face Naomi's best friend had made when her daughter told her she was marrying a Republican and changing her name from Starswimmer to Stacey. "Altoid Citrus Sours," Megan choked out, plucking up another one and crouching to slip it past his own lips. Evil occurred in his mouth. "Not poison exactly... it's... you can't bloody well call it a sweet... it's a lemon drop made without sugar."
"Gah," Blair agreed with her.
Jim managed to sit upright, and started scrabbling around blindly on the desk, among the papers. Blair's eyes widened... he'd always known Jim had a strong masochistic streak. But he wanted another one? No. Blair caught Jim's wrist as he brandished the scissors that came with his desk set, while sticking out his tongue, watering eyes crossed to focus on the offending taste buds.
"Jim, no," Blair said firmly, disarming him. He fumbled around for an idea, just as the Donut Dolly cart wheeled into the bullpen.
"flzxnbbb," Jim whimpered, and fell over again.
Ten minutes later, Simon Banks walked in from an interdepartmental meeting. To find Ellison on the floor behind his desk, with his head in Connor's lap, while Sandburg fed him bits of bran muffin like a baby bird. Simon stopped, looking down at them, opened his mouth, closed it again, and then went into his office and locked the door.
It was the talk of the Forensics department. Blair Sandburg came in, went over to Sam's desk, and set a fancy silver tin with a yellow label down. Sam smiled slyly, but then went pale as Blair leaned in and whispered something in her ear before leaving. The other girls in Forensics shrugged. Sam was never satisfied, not even when one of her slave-boys brought her candy. It was funny though, that she transferred out-of-state later that week.
~ End ~
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Page last updated 8/15/03.