Disclaimer: The Professionals and its characters are completely the property of Mark 1 Productions. I use them out of reverence, solely for fun and not for profit. I have nothing but the highest regards for the creative minds who developed The Professionals universe (and that includes all the fan fiction writers as well).

Author's Notes: This is my response to the Combination Challenge on the PROSFanFic List.

Flirting with Danger



Bodie struggled in his attacker's grasp, conscious of his limited means of defence—or escape. The arm around his neck tightened, and the letter-opener clutched in the other hand prodded painfully against his ribs.

"I warned you, Mr Bodie," the familiar voice hissed in his ear. "Didn't I, now?"

"Yes, you—" His answer was cut off as the arm squeezed tighter.

Damn it! Of all the places to be compromised, Bodie thought miserably. He eyed the men's room door and prayed that Doyle would stay away for his own good.

"Did you think the warning just casual conversation, then?" The arm tightened, the letter opener travelled further south.

"No, L—" His endearment was cut off as the arm jerked harshly against his Adam's apple. Where in bloody hell had this nutter blossomed from? Considering his options, he tried one of the oldest tricks in the book and relaxed into a heavy pool of flesh and muscle.

"None of that, you bastard!" The nutter was much stronger than he'd calculated and kicked him hard with a heavy-toed shoe, just above the boot line. No slow learner, Bodie got the message and stood upright again, returning his hands instinctively to the arm around his throat.

"Can't we—" Another choking jerk against his Adam's apple. No, then. A nice cup of tea is out of the question.

His attacker's voice became cold and calculated. "I warned you what would happen. You brought this upon yourself." Bodie's eyes widened in shock as the letter-opener swiftly moved from its position against his ribs to a much more delicate part of his anatomy.

"You wouldn't," he choked out, horrified.

"Oh, wouldn't I?" the nutter answered.

Both questions became rhetorical as the men's room door swung open and upbeat music, drunken laughter, and Ray Doyle poured in.

Bloody hell, thought Bodie. "Get out of here, Ray!"

Doyle's eyebrows raised considerably. He let the door swing shut, then leaned back against it and crossed his arms. "Need any help, there, Bodie?" he asked carefully, his expression a mixture of amusement and empathetic alarm as he eyed the letter-opener's precarious position.

"What do you think, you sot!" Bodie responded with no small amount of frustration, wiggling against the arm. Under other circumstances he'd be enjoying himself immensely. "I can't exactly fight back, now, can I?"

Doyle grinned unbearably. Bodie's eyes narrowed and he contemplated his own revenge as soon as his family jewels were safe.

"I don't know why not. Cowley trains only the best."

"Why, thank you, Ray." Bodie's attacker became sweet and demure. The letter-opener eased up a fraction.

"Now be a love and let poor Bodie go." Doyle nodded his head towards his glowering partner. "Though he most likely deserves to be de-jangled, I think he's suffered enough, don't you?"

"Not nearly enough!" Betty's sweet temperament once again disappeared and the pointy-pressure of the letter-opener returned full force. "I warned him about flirting with my little sister, didn't I? I warned the both of you!"

Doyle turned to Bodie in shock and choked out an astonished laugh. "You actually chatted up Ellie? My god, Bodie, you really do have a pair, don't you?"

"Not for much longer," promised the nutter who had taken over Betty's lovely figure.

Bodie swallowed and glared at his unhelpful partner. An idea formed. "Perhaps, Betty love," he said carefully, "we can negotiate for my release."

Doyle snorted. "Oh, this'll be good."

"Go on." Betty moved the letter-opener to a much friendlier position still too close for comfort.

Bodie smiled beatifically and with purpose at Doyle, and noted with great satisfaction when his partner's irritating smile disappeared.

"You wouldn't?" Doyle paled considerably.

Bodie returned his attention to Betty. "It's about your cousin Lilly, and her anonymous lover at the Christmas party last year..."

~ End ~

Author's Additional Notes: For the Combination Challenge, we were to choose one item from each of three lists covering people, places, and things. I chose Betty, the bathroom, and a letter opener.

E-Mail Hephaistos at hephaistos@valley.net
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Page last updated 8/16/03.